beabi-chan

I have made a new deviantart account, here is a link to it bunirra.deviantart.com/
There is currently nothing on it but sooner or later I will start uploading deviations with my new transformed style.
Please go watch it and keep an eye out for anything that i might release.
Maybe if that account goes well, i'll deactivate this one, but for now, we'll see. 
Thank you.

Honestly i don't see the point in me even making this when i assume that no one's gonna read it anyways, it's mostly for my own gain actually, i just want to vent, even if my audience is about 1-5 people. But anyways.

I gave up.

That's it, really. Regarding school and just everything else I love, I gave up. I don't mean like I quit going to school, I mean that I'm not going to put forth any effort towards school anymore. The reason being is that whenever I do something to my full potential and I fail, I beat myself up about it and assume that I'm never going to meet the standards of my teachers and what not. The way I've been doing my work recently is really out of self-hatred. Here's an explanation.

Whenever I have something due, I (like almost every other teen aged school kid) will leave it til the very last minute. Now yeah that's normal since everyone else does it, but unlike everyone else, I lack the motivation to do it. For years of going to high school I've noticed that my motivation diminished and I'm never going to get it back. I lost interest in learning the things I used to love. The only reason I was able to get work done was because of my constant 'beating myself up about it'. I would hurt myself over my over-due work, I would cry myself to sleep because of the work that I allowed to pile up. I would stop going to school because of the fear of getting into trouble because of the work I didn't do.

To put it short, the way I was working at school and on school-related things was not healthy. And I quit. I'm not going to bother putting forth any of my effort when my best isn't good enough, and I'm not going to allow myself to constantly hurt over something that won't matter in the future. I'm not going to try anymore. School has stolen my passion for things I was eager to learn, and now it's all the same, it's all just something I have to study for to get a great 'atar'. Even visual arts, which I loved so much, doesn't even make me bat an eyelash anymore, to me, it's just 'work towards your future'. It's not even about making art for myself anymore. But that's just how I view it anyways.

Regarding my art-making, I'm going to temporarily put my account on hold. This may be temporary or it may be permanent, I'm not sure yet. The reason why I'm doing this is because I'm not happy with the work I've been posting on deviantart. I'm not happy with my skill, I'm not happy with the outcome and just my art in general hasn't been up to par lately. When I look at all my drawing's there' something they all have in common; It's that I don't like them and I feel like they're all pathetic and forced. I feel like i'm restricted with what I post on deviantart because people won't like it. Now usually I don't care about that stuff and I post whatever I like but I feel like I don't belong here.
Long ago, I had an account that was decently popular. It had about 1000 watchers, until one day I decided to close it. The reason why I closed it was because it was all so 'pony' related and I felt like that's all I was drawing to maintain my fame. But now that I'm drawing what I want to draw, I feel like I'm not getting the fame I think I deserve. Now i know that sounds SUPER bratty but I feel like the amount of effort I put into my work deserves a little more than what's its getting. And that's just it. My work isn't good enough. So i'm going to put my account on hold. I'm not going to quit art necessarily, I'm going to be working on my own things, I'm going to re-learn everything and I'm going to find my real passion for art instead of being on here trying to gain back my fame. 
I'll be able to work on the things I want to work on. I can work on my own manga and animation. I've been doing a lot of traditional art too lately but I haven't been posting because I know that no one will care about it. I've been painting, sketching, inking, using pastels, everything I've never done before because now I have the freedom to. 
I want to create something that I can be proud of again.

In regards to my personal relationships, I'm not even sure who are my real friends and who aren't. At my school, I have a big group (5-15 people) and honestly I don't like them at all. The only reason why I hang around them is because of my two close friends who are in the group, who's names i wont disclose. They are close to the group and they've been there for them since day 1 but me, I'm just an outsider. I'm a spectator when it comes to group activities, I'm not involved or invited to any events they hold on the weekend. I'm not invited to parties or not even in their group chat. I'm not in on anything. But because of my two friends I still refuse to leave, because I think they're worth staying with. But I'm starting to question whether it's worth it or not. Do i even need friends? Recently I've just been by myself and refusing to hang out with anyone.
I have another two friends who i'm really close too as well (not the same as the other two friends). They aren't in the group, but they hang around. I would consider them my 'best friends' but I don't know anymore. Not that they've done anything wrong, but because all of my problems are making me question everything, even those who are close to me. They've been there for me since day one, and they never judge me and they've never turned me down. I had big plans with one of them, we were going to go to japan after high school but now, that dream seems rather vivid and distant, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i'm distancing myself farther and farther from my friends. Half of me says 'I want to be alone' but the other half says I don't want to be. But it's tough when you see your group of friends having a good time on social media and here I am at home with the company of myself, doing nothing but feeling bad and isolated, feeling miserable and like I have no one in my life who is close to me. It's like I could disappear tomorrow and no one would even notice.
It's questionable that I could become so close to someone I've met online but I could drop the friends i've had for years in an instant. I met someone about a week or two ago who I became very close to in a matter of days, even closer than those I've known for years. It kinda makes me sad when I think about it, but I'm also very grateful for the online friends I've made, who don't even know me, but accept me as I am. They may not seem like they're doing much, but in the darkest of hours, when I'm by myself and i have only my thoughts to accompany me, they are there for me, and they make me the happiest girl I can be.

To sum it up, I quit trying to please other people, and now I'm going to focus on myself. I'm going to give myself the attention I deserve and need. I'm going to rediscover the things I love and the things I'm passionate about. I will make new friends, discover new mediums I never knew I'd be good at, and just rediscover what it's like to be happy. I'm going to focus on myself, because after years and years of putting myself down for not being good enough, I feel I deserve to be happy again.
This isn't goodbye, this is a 'brb'. I won't be posting on deviantart but I will be checking back on everything. 
I will finish commissions that I still have but after they are done, I will be on hold.
If you managed to get this far, thank you for actually reading, thank you for trying to understand me.

I'll see you all again someday.

This is going to be a journal where I keep all of my OC's backstories. But this is always subject to change if I come up with something better! Also my 'Draw this again' and 'Humanized Ponies' don't count in this whole backstory thing. 
Anyways, here we go.

Starling Wish (Elanor Olsen)

Elanor Olsen is a student on her home planet who is in training to become a wish granter. When her grades start dropping and she fails her class, she decided that she needed time to practice on her own, so she left her home planet (illegally!) and rode on a shooting star to a new planet, earth. When she landed, she practiced granting the wishes of many, and even though she succeeded in doing so, the wishes she granted would only last 3 hours.
She met some wonderful people who became her close friends, and Elanor decided that she wanted to stay on earth forever.
But the people from home world didn't agree, for their powers were to be kept on their world, and that humans were far too weak to be around their kind. So they invaded earth and in the process, hurt her friends.
When Elanor wishes for everyone to be safe, she was able to grant it permanently, but it resulted in her losing her memory of her friends and returning to home world. Her friends never forgot her, and they awaited her return.
In the future, Elanor did return to earth and she did cross paths with her friends, except she didn't remember any of them.
She's on a journey to regain her memories of her sacrifice and master the art of wish granting.
"I don't know who you are, but I know that in my heart, you are good people."

Mena Valentine

Mena was always known as a free spirit, going around making many new friends. She was always the one to keep the peace between people, and is talented at loving everyone. When she and her family had terrible conflict, causing them to split apart, Mena experienced sadness for the first time in her life, and she learned that she had a very strong heart.
Mena wanted to make sure that no one would ever experience sadness, so her mission was to keep everyone happy.
She was then worthy enough to become the Guardian of Happiness, granting her mystical powers. Being able to transform and save those who have fallen into a deep depression.
"I will make sure to keep everyone happy!"

Nylah Valentine

Nylah is the quirky, eccentric sister of Mena Valentine. Wherever Mena is, you'll be sure to find Nylah close by. 
Nylah has a tendency to ruin Mena's fun, and she can be quite a prankster. But she just likes to have some harmless fun.
She is very attached to her older sister and, under all her tricks and pranks, loves her sister unconditionally.
"It was just a joke! Chill!"

Aurabelle, The Fallen Maiden

Aurabelle was a beautiful mistress who worked for a very wealthy man. She worked as a maid along with her partner Tristan, who was a butler. The wealthy man had a thing for Aurabelle, and when he asked her to marry him, she kindly refused, as she and Tristan were already in a relationship (without him knowing). The man was very unhappy, and when he found out that she and Tristan were dating, he got rid of Tristan by firing him and sending him far, far away from the Mansion, and killed Aurabelle. He then buried her under the mansion, and fled, in fear of her haunting him (he was very superstitious!).
Aurabelle became agitated and cried out for Tristan. She went on a search for him endlessly, and at the same time, looked for the man who killed her. In hopes to get revenge.
"I will find Tristan, and when I do, I'm coming for you."

Inkie 

None

Celeste (Star)

Celeste is a star who travels endlessly throughout space looking for another star to fuse with, but when she crosses paths with the mysterious Umbra, a black hole, she met an unstoppable force and was bound to him since then. She knew that if she went near him, she wouldn't be able to leave. But she found him to be alluring and mesmerizing, so she took the risk anyways.
She found his presence annoying, and he was quite cold towards her, but after a while of being together, she grew comfortable around him, and later took a liking to him. Celeste wants to get closer to him but his cold heart refuses, and he wont let her get any closer than they are now. She planned to open up his heart, and learn his story.
Celeste is a very sophisticated, majestic person who loves to be tidy. She speaks formally to everyone and her personality contradicts with Umbra's.
"I know that you're a fallen star, but you can learn to love again."

Umbra (Black hole)

Umbra was a star who, like Celeste, would travel space endlessly, looking for a star partner to fuse and become a planet with.
When he thought he met the love of his life, she ultimately betrayed him by loving someone else, and his weak heart couldn't handle the pain. So his star died and exploded, and he later became a black hole, causing everyone around him to back away, not wanting to be around him.
But when a star named Celeste had the audacity to go near him, he was quite shocked.
The two were inseparable (literally!) and they enjoyed each others company, though Umbra appeared to be cold hearted on the outside, he secretly took a liking to Celeste, but refused to open his heart to anyone.
Umbra can be a bit of an ass, and he is quite sassy, but under all of that is a loving, caring guy. He loves to play the violin and he's quite messy.
"Hmph."

Avanna (AVA-Roid)

Avanna is an android who was created for the sole purpose of destroying mankind. But when her powers were too dangerous, destroying the whole lab, the scientist who created her decided to put her to sleep for all eternity, and she was left as a discontinued project, hidden deep beneath the lab.
A few decades later, a school student stumbles into the abandoned lair and finds Avanna. He fumbles around and presses random buttons, thinking they wouldn't do anything, but he ends up activating her.
Avanna was unable to use her powers as they had to be charged up, but she was fully capable of speaking and learning from the things around her. She would endlessly follow the student and learn from him, and she was later forced to disguise as a student at his school to make it less obvious.
"Hello. I am Avanna."

Honey (Wyatt) Von Bon

Honey is a creature who is part of the Hani race. (See Coolcat1313 .) Honey is genderless, but when in it's human form, seems to favor it's male form over female. Honey is very quiet and timid, but can cause quite a ruckus when it comes to justice. When honey is in it's true form, it usually goes to an adoption center and get's adopted solely to be fed. When it get's bored of it's owner and their food, it runs back to the center and awaits a new owner in order to be fed. Although Hani usually feed off bad luck, Honey doesn't get full satisfaction with just that, and has turned to trying human food, and discovered it's new favourite food, pork. When it has free time, you can usually find it in a Korean BBQ restaurant looking for some pork to eat.
It also prefers to be called Wyatt over Honey, because it think's it's name is too feminine.
Wyatt is in a romantic relationship with another Hani named Creme, who he loves with all his heart. And all though they have the ability to change their form to appear of that of the opposite gender, he prefers to be male while Creme prefers to be female.
"AGHH! You scared me!"
"Don't look at Creme, she's mine!"

Snowflake (Real name Sonia)

Snowflake is a young and very talented girl who's skills are superb in fencing and ballet. She is the cousin of Hakujou and, because of his lazy drunken behavior, is not quite fond of him. Since she was younger (around age 4), she's always loved to be the center of attention and just LOVES the spotlight. Because of her constant craving for attention, Snowflake took up ballet/dancing so she could always perform for people. Snowflake's real name is Sonia, however, because that name was linked to her father (whom she hated) she decided to abandon that name. Her father was always drunken and abusive towards her mother, which is her reason for disliking him. (It's also the reason why she doesn't really like her cousin Hakujou because his behavior matches her fathers.) Snowflake got her elegance and grace from her mother, who was a ballet.
In middle school, Snowflake had a really close friend who she'd always perform with, even though she wanted the attention for herself, he was the only one she was willing to share the spotlight with. His name was Sonny Wellens, and he was very gifted in the dance industry, much like Snowflake was. Because of Sonny's passion for dance, he was isolated from other boys in the class due to him taking up a 'feminine' hobby, this resulted in him being bullied. Snowflake was infuriated by the bullies but was incapable of doing anything, so she decided to take up fencing as a way of scaring them off (because she was much smaller than average, the people in her class stood above her). She succeeded in scaring off the bullies, however, Sonny's parents moved him to a proper dance school where he would belong and would be able to focus on his dance studies. This broke Snowflake's heart, as she was stripped of her best friend and performing buddy. Snowflake went through the rest of middle school alone and hasn't stopped trying to find him ever since she lost him. She managed to make new friends and since the incident, she has gained a strong sense of justice and is VERY loyal to her friends.
Snowflake is very elegant and precise, even though she is so young, she already knows what her plans for the future are and always keeps a clear, leveled head. Snowflake does not like wasting time and always strives to be the very best in everything she does. She doesn't eat much, but she simply cannot RESIST snow cones. Her name contradicts with her likes, as she surprisingly hates winter and loves spring. Everything must also be neat and in order otherwise Snowflake loses her cool.
Her search for her close friend Sonny has not and will not stop until she finds him.
"The show MUST go on!"
"I miss him."

Hey guys! 
For all of you that have facebook, if you have the time, could you please vote for my artwork here woobox.com/wkskme
my artwork is this one:
Its for a contest that League of Legends OCE is holding for Ocean week 2016. The reward will be 10k RP ($100) and Some skins w/ champions (I know that doesnt sound like much to those of you who dont play LOL) 
You can only vote once so be careful about which one you click on!
Please show your support by voting for me *^-^*

Hey guys! 
So recently I uploaded 3 Entries for a competition, See here: oce.leagueoflegends.com/en/new…
This is the contest i entered. Its for a game I play [: 
And I hope its not too much to ask, but if you could vote for me here:  www.facebook.com/LeagueOfLegen…
id be eternally grateful! My entry is this one:

I hope I dont seem rude >.< Just I would really like to get into the top 10! I really love and enjoy this game so please if you could help me out, that would be great  
Thank you guys so much!